DISCLAIMER: The following is NOT legal advice, nor is it a substitute for legal advice. If you are in Family Court you will need legal advice, so please see a lawyer.
Want to know how effective divorced dads persuade Family Court Judges? Don’t wage war over a child in their courtroom. Waging peace in Family Court is the opposite of starting a war. It’s about being a peacemaker.
A peacemaker is not going to cause fights or disruptions.
A peacemaker is not going to be inflammatory.
A peacemaker doesn’t engage in name-calling.
You may think that your soon-to-be ex-wife is evil and vile and think you should tell the judge in your affidavit writing. Don’t. You will be seen as a war-maker, not a peacemaker. Work at finding more mature ways to express your emotions. Persuade peacefully.
Rather than resorting to name-calling, you could say: “Your Honor, I admire my wife’s emotional nature when it’s loving. But it seems she wants to blame me alone for the divorce. The facts are: I picked her, she picked me, we have a child, we’ve made a mess of our marriage and we need to shield our child from the fallout. I understand her anger, bitterness and disappointment. I’ve felt it myself and I am finally moving past blaming my wife….”
Or this: “Maybe my wife is scared that she will lose our child. I would never take our child away from her. I can’t understand why she wants to do that to me. I’m a good dad, not a perfect dad. The truth is this: We’re both GREAT parents who love our child. I’ll be the first to admit it. I can understand her anger, but it’s hurting our child. I’m prepared to wipe the slate clean, even if my wife can’t see her way to doing that right now…”
See the difference between being a peacemaker and a war-maker?
But what if she truly is being evil and vile? Should you be forced to take the high road? Look at it like this: if you want to present yourself as a capable parent in family court, be a peacemaker. Take a moment to put yourself in the shoes of the Family Court judge.
When you can step away from the mud-slinging, you set yourself apart from the rest of the crowd in the eyes of the judge. By setting yourself apart, you are making steps toward the outcome you’re searching for.
Dads must find a positive approach in order to be seen in family court as a peaceful person. You must focus on the positive. You can’t allow a negative focus to creep in. Think about peacemaking role models like Nelson Mandela. He spent twenty-five years in a prison waging peace for what he believed and he stayed peaceful.
You can do the same. Never, ever let anyone tell you, that as a divorced dad, you are no longer a parent.
When you are effectively reduced to being a wallet and perhaps a weekend babysitter every couple of weeks, take a cue from Nelson and vigorously wage peace, because world peace begins within your home and your family, no matter how small of a step you take towards making it better for your child.
During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That’s why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.
If you’ve lost in Family Court, don’t give up. There is always hope. You’ve likely lost because you didn’t understand that winning requires effectively “waging peace” for your children.
If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.